Ex Libris

After seven and half years in San Diego, I am packing up my little Zephyr Hobgoblin (and before you declare me an ideal of monastic life, a mover is following with most of my stuff) and driving up to the Bay Area to begin a new chapter of my life. I’ve taken a job with Ohai, Inc, and am thrilled to be working on a game from the ground up. (If you’re curious, here’s the first big article that has been released about Ohai!) This has been one of the bigger and more significant decisions of my life. Previous to this, it was probably accepting my first quite unexpected game design job, not knowing how deeply I would fall in love with it and end up making it my career, and previous to that, it was the decision to attend UC San Diego and move down from my rural Washington state town to “the big city” and college life.

This might have been both the easiest and the hardest of those decisions to make. On the one hand, it was the easiest, because everything fell into place so beautifully that I cannot help but feel as if it is fate, and I know that what I will be doing is exactly what I want to be doing right now. On the other hand, I had a job I loved, and have made some deep and lasting friendships that have touched me on so many levels — some within my first week of being here in San Diego, and some only recently — and making the decision to leave those people, and my position on Everquest II, was hard. I have been trying to find a word all week that means the opposite of a dilemma, because whatever that word is (I have been calling it a prolemma temporarily), it was what this decision was. I had to chose between two beautiful modes of being, and knew either one would likely make me happy. But I have never been someone who thought they could stay in one place forever, and a lot else in my life has lined up to make it easier to move on, as much as my heart had to break at leaving my friends and coworkers and the Everquest II community behind.

But, in this day and age of Facebook and Twitter and IMs, you are never that far away from the people you love. It’s not quite the same, but at least I am a mere seven hour drive, or an even shorter flight. Still, I came here seven and a half years ago a very different person, and cannot help but feel so indebted to everything I have experienced here. I came here at 18-years-old a classic person “in a shell”; afraid of the world, afraid of myself, afraid of love, afraid to talk to even the most friendly stranger. Since coming to San Diego, I have, I believe, broken out. I can now walk with my head held high, believe in myself, have and do love, say exactly what I want to say, and can joke and laugh with just about anyone I meet. I know this is all because of the people I have met and the support and love they have given me, as well as the subtle lessons I have learned from them.

From some, I have learned to love my weirdness; from others, I have learned to appreciate normality and broadened my definition of what can make me happy; from some I have learned to dance even if no one is on the dance floor with you; from others I have learned to appreciate sitting on the sidelines and watching. I now consider myself to have a very thin skin in the best possible sense. I make fast friends because it is hard not to just be filled with love & curiosity for anyone when you do your best to see what is best in them and know what makes their story in this world interesting and vibrant; and I can appreciate almost any situation I get into for the chance to learn, grow, and live. Looking at my going away party, I had friends present who were physicists and pornographers, artists and automechanics; military men and marketers. All of them have taught me things, and there is a place reserved in my heart for every one.

I’m not afraid of a new city. There’s a lot I love about San Diego, but I believe in many ways San Francisco will be a better fit, and if it’s not, it’s something new to learn about. It’s only the people I have to leave behind that make it hard. I know I’ll discover new locales — my comic store guy has given me the name of a local comic retailer who will take care of me, and my hookah lounge owner has sent me toward a whole list of new Moroccan lounges to relax in, and I relish the chance to go in blindly for the rest so I can hunt and have adventures finding new spots.

Work will be new and exciting, and I’ll really get to sink my teeth into things. I have the personality of a border collie. Don’t give me enough to do, and I will get impatient and take apart your porch board by board, so with all there is to do still for Ohai, I doubt I will ever be bored. Updates are going to be few until we are further along with things, but I am sure I will be teasing people with what you don’t know mercilessly!

Good-bye San Diego. Good-bye Everquest II. Good-bye to everyone who has shared in my journey. But hello to new things, and may we meet again.

<3 = ∞